Generation Magazine

Want to increase your chances of hooking up with that special someone (or at least someone who can help you pass the time without making you sick)? Read on.

 Survival of the fittest. Never have I understood the meaning of this phrase more than when it applies to dating. As a seasoned veteran of social networking, I can say with confidence that college is one of the best opportunities to meet that “special someone.” Seldom will you have immense exposure to dating material on a regular basis.

 Need more specifics? Try classes, parties and bars. This is what college is all about, and they are all natural watering holes of what we will respectfully and politely call “prospects.” A prospect is any potential person of interest you may or may not have spoken to, but someone you have definitely taken note of and plotted on your POI—your Point of Interest radar.

 My intention here is to take what I know, mix in my god-given talents and create a “dating survival guide.” Throughout the final weeks of the fall semester, I made that perilous journey and I went out there, where the battle rages, looking for those prospects in their natural habitat. I went where real men do not fear, into territory where the chances of striking out are better than facing Roger Clemens in his prime. I did this for you, my UB comrades, so you can benefit from my mistakes and missteps. I did it all; hitting classes, frat parties, bars and clubs—all in a valiant attempt to figure out what venue works best to meet someone good. I even considered online dating, adding another strategy to my dating playbook. It’s all based on first-hand experience—my first-hand experience.

 So for those of you who are looking to date, but are held back by a fear of rejection, I’ll be the answer to your prayers. I’ll give you the tools you need to make the most of one of college’s golden opportunities: meeting someone.

 But keep in mind everyone is different. What works for me may not work for you. Either way, the essence of my message remains the same. If you take the testimony I give and add your own spin, you’ll undoubtedly see results. At the very least you’ll know where to go, how to act, how not to act, and maybe even have some idea of what to say to make your dating experience more positive.

 So do your social life a favor before you jump into the dating abyss and take a page
from Nick Baxter’s Survival Guide to Dating. It might just bring you closer to what we’re all looking for: somebody to love—forever, for a few hours or somewhere in between.

Don’t bother with bars

Meeting someone in a bar is about as cliché as it gets. If you’re looking for someone serious, bars are a waste of time. But if you’re looking for a one-night stand (not my flavor) you may have something here. There is no better way to discredit yourself than by going around hitting on everybody of interest. And face it; you’re acting in the shallowest way possible. Talking to someone just because you’re attracted to his or her looks isn’t exactly a recipe for success.

 Nevertheless, exploring the bar scene was a must on our “guided tour of love.” My bars of choice were Northside and the Steer on Main Street by South Campus. Northside attracts a particular type of person. Looking to meet the woman of your dreams while fighting for a drink and trying to keep your food down, surrounded by the fog of body odor? Then this is your Mecca.

 Ah, Northside. I couldn’t help but laugh at the girl next to me who looked like she was trying out for the Green Bay Packers as she tried to grind her date into the sheetrock. I didn’t feel the dance scene vibe that night, so I stepped back and let nature take its course. Luckily, a few familiar girls approached me, giving my night some color. After a friendly gesture from a certain blonde bartender, my night at Northside was a wrap.

 I escaped to the Steer and caught up with a few friends, and after awhile, I could see the pros and cons of my South Campus run. I didn’t have to put myself out there to get something back. If you play it right and you’re regularly social, let the party come to you and run with it. If you’re not, you’re going to have to make like Big Black and “Do Work” if you want your night to be anything but lonely. Bars are fun for one reason: the company you keep. If you don’t bring a party with you, chances are you won’t find one.

Seeing the light with blind dating

Blind dating is a terrible term that sounds like a bad movie from the ’80s. Oddly enough, it can be very effective. Don’t ever let someone you don’t trust set you up on a blind date. Your fate rests in their hands, and their judgment. The friend doing the set up should deeply consider your compatibility. Your integrity is on the line. If your partner has a bad date, despite your best efforts, it’s your ass.

 My blind dating experience was… interesting. A friend who I originally was working with on this story helped me. We set each other up, and honestly, I was excited to do this part of the project. I love meeting new people, and I was looking forward to sharing experiences on such a seldom-used college dating technique.

 My date was Angelica; she was pretty and charismatic. We’d met in passing before, but never really talked, so I was game. (Quick dating alert here: Never set someone up on a date with a person who has a past with one of your close friends. That violates my personal moral dating code, and I’d recommend adding it to yours. Think about it.)

 Anyway, Angelica and I had a great time at Average Joes. We had a lot in common, with our small-town backgrounds and experiences with younger siblings. It was my first trip to Average Joes, and I raised an eyebrow when she insisted on ordering gravy fries, which to me, tasted like Ponderosa on a plate. But I’m open to new things.

 My blind-dating experience fell off the edge when a group of unknowingly mutual friends swung by to celebrate some good news. We clustered into the crew and then didn’t speak much for the rest of the evening. A shame.

 I really don’t have anything bad to say about the experience or my date. I wouldn’t really know, thanks to the group of friends who changed the chemistry of the evening, for better or worse. But I do know the burping and cussing at the table in the larger group is not conducive to getting to know someone. But it started out promising.

 So I would highly encourage introverted people who have a lot to offer—but who just take up space in social settings—to give this a try. But remember, you must be open, willing and committed to trying this mystery person on for size. Don’t let down your friend who thought you two might have something in common. Worst-case scenario and your date is an absolute bomb? Look at the silver lining. At least it was a date.

On the edge with online dating

Online dating takes guts. You risk the chance of someone you know seeing your profile and picking on you for all of eternity. And there is always the chance you’ll meet some sleaze ball who suffocates you with new messages. Regardless, it’s still an avenue that has brought some people dramatic success. Try
plentyoffish.com. It’s free, thorough and offers a good selection of local people. Attractive people? You be the judge. I guess some are on there for a reason.

 The cool part about online dating is that if you have a decent profile, people will send you messages. All you have to do is log in and choose. I was short on time, so I was proactive. I cast my lines and waited to see who would bite.

 I got a few answers, including one from a stunning girl from Rochester—she’s my newest Facebook friend—and Abby from Williamsville. We talked for a few days and I asked her to get coffee at Starbucks on North Campus. I figured its public, innocent and she can come to meet me. The time for our date rolled around, and Abby was a no-show. Sure enough, my online dating prospect stood me up. Ugh. A low point. I immediately sent her a message online to see what happened. She answered back later that night and was very apologetic. She forgot, she said. Well, that’s your loss, sweetheart. No soup for you.

More than I bargained for

The most innocent venue to meet others is in class. How many times have you dropped a pen only to have a cute girl or guy return it with a smile? I’ve actually made a good number of friends in classes one way or another. You can sit near and meet new people every day if you really want to. Consider it a serious suggestion; it may just pan out. Take it from me. Just recently I’ve made a few friends in classes and even managed to get one girl’s number. Here’s an interesting story:

 So I saw this girl in a class; cute, seemed intelligent, and I’d spoken to her once. We walked out together as class ended, and just shot the breeze for 15. (I’m a good listener. Have I mentioned that’s a great skill to take on these dating adventures?) The conversation wasn’t the best, but we talked for a while, so I asked for her number. She gave it to me and suggested we do something in the near future. She then leaned in and gave me an awkward “ass-out” hug (which still makes me cringe). I walked away feeling socially inept about the hug but noticed I couldn’t remember her name, which to me is a warning sign. But my gut told me it was Rachel, so I went with that.

 We kept in touch throughout the weekend and talked more in class. By next week, her stock was rising… until the next day. She came into class, barely acknowledged me and left class talking to another guy. What the hell? We’d exchanged numbers less than a week before. All was well. And now I’m not even worth a genuine “hello”?

 As a good friend of mine put it, “It’s a wrap for her credentials.” They went right in the garbage.

Nick’s Golden Rule of Dating

It’s only fair to point out that was just one negative in a sea of positives. Classes are effective arenas to meet someone because they’re genuine. When you talk to someone in class, you’re usually not “thinking with your one eye, instead of your two,” (to use a well-known expression) the way you do in a bar. And this idea brings to mind Nick’s Golden Rule of Dating: No matter what, no matter where, your efforts are wasted if your encounters are not genuine. If you’re fake, they’ll feel uncomfortable. They’ll disengage at the first opportunity.

 So don’t play games. Never use pickup lines. And don’t be afraid to be yourself.

 Remember, dating is like selling. Only you’re not selling fruit baskets, you’re selling yourself. And you will have the most success getting people to “buy” you and the person that you are if you’re “a first rate version of yourself.” That means being honest with yourself, about who you are, what you’re like. Not only will people show you respect for being who you are, but your relationships with them will be genuine and stronger.

 Meeting that someone special is about making connections. That’s what the “chemistry” is all about. People connect with you, not the person you’re trying to be. So whether you’re trying to pick up women, make new friends, or find that special someone; make sure you’re a first-rate version of yourself. Good things will happen, or at least they are more likely to happen. I promise.

 My dating adventures have led me to one conclusion: Go on a dating binge. It’s almost a lock you’ll find out a lot about yourself, make new friends and learn a lot about people. And if you actually meet someone, that’s a bonus. That’s something you can count on. Take it from me—if I knew before I started my dating binge what I know now, I’d do it all again.

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